LM 6.3 — Kra es Yehoshua, Part 3 of 3 · תורה ו׳

All right, seventh day of Chanukah we are going to finish up the sixth Torah across Yehoshua, it definitely I think would have helped to have done the first two parts of it, but perhaps we'll see if it can make it stand on its own, a little bit technical, but totally totally amazing. Just as a summary a little bit to talk about, to bring us up to speed, we had mentioned we had mentioned that the sixth Torah was actually given not necessarily in parts, but it was given פרשת שבת שובה, and then the Rabbi Nachman had repeated it over on Motzaei Shabbat, and also again later on around Adar, around Purim time, and in each time supplementing it, so that even though we see that as

the Torah, the pattern of the Torah seems to have gone from now quoting a pasuk and then laying out a lot of concepts and tying them together, seeing the נקודות of of פנימיות and avodah, and then understanding there's a פנימיות within Chazal and pesukim. So this one seems to double back a little bit. Some of it, now this time we'll see added by Rav Natan's note, what Rabbi Nachman gave, there's Rabbi Nachman dictated to Rav Natan from his notes. The part actually about the three mitzvot, including destroying Amalek, seemed to have been added Purim time, but this what we're going to get to now is going to discuss how some of the נקודות of teshuvah is actually within the within the כוונות of the Arizal

in the siddur, and that part was added, it seems, on Motzaei Shabbat. We are on the page ז עמוד ב in the print of the Likutei Moharan in the middle of the second column where it says שייך לעיל. In the Chayei Moharan it says, I'm just reading from the note that I have that quotes it, בשעת אמירת התורה לא דיבר כלל מענין כוונות אלול, that the כוונות of אלול were not discussed at the time that the תורה was originally given, רק אחר כך כשגמר אמירת התורה הזאת אחר שהתפלל ערבית והבדיל אחר כך חזר ודיבר מהתורה הזאת כדרכו תמיד.

As very often the Rebbe would go back and and he would do a chazarah over what he said, says to go back on Motzaei Shabbat from the תורה that they said by שלש סעודות, ואז ענה ואמר לאנשים חשובים וזקנים שישבו אצלו אז, and he asked the people that were by him, שהיו מתפללים מתוך סידור האריז״ל, they were davenen from the siddur of the אריז״ל, תאמרו לי איך מרומז בהתורה הנ״ל כל כוונות של אלול, tell me how the kavanos of Elul are hidden within them are the concepts that we discussed, and they were not able to to answer, והחרישו ולא ענו כי באמת אי אפשר בשום אופן להבין מעצמו סוד כוונות של אלול, they were not able on their own to understand that at all how

it was מרומז in the Torah, and then Rabbi Nachman came and he opened up worlds for us. So just talking about the Torah itself, and then we'll hone in on the piece that we are going to flesh out today. We had discussed in a general sense in אות א at the beginning of the Torah there are two types of kavod: there was כבוד מלכים, the the kavod of בני אדם, and then there was כבוד אלקים, and these have a reciprocal relationship to the extent that a person is focused on his own kavod, even by the way in terms of רוחניות and עבודת שמים, but if a person is focused on themself, then that comes away from his bitul.

So to the extent that a person is able to diminish, come away through the teshuvah process, we'll see how to do it, from כבוד מלכים, from his own kavod, so then he's able to plug in and attain כבוד אלקים. How does a person do that? The teshuvah process that we discussed is through bizayon, but in other words either through vidui, through fleshing out, through articulating what one did wrong, it can't just be that it was contingent on others, that true kavod is his bitul of self, and it was indicated, we went through all the concepts that kavod is a כף is bent over, and it it's a בחינה of אהיה, of of that אנא זמין למהוי I think we said, that אהיה is in the

future I will be, right now I have not yet earned my existence, which is a בחינה of כתר. And even teshuvah is a בחינה of המתנה, of not not just doing teshuvah on our own terms, but having the patience and waiting doing what we have to do and having siyata dishmaya. And we said that the the אחוריים so to speak, the אח of of אהיה, which is as things keep on turning back, so it's אלף, אלף ה, אלף ה יוד, אלף ה יוד ה, is a גימטריא דם if you add it up, and where the yetzer hara so to speak resides.

And what we do is when we're able to attach the אלף to the דם, so then that becomes אדם, and we we introduce by introducing the אלף to the the אלף to אדם, and that's where we'll we'll see in a second, we'll tie it back in. So we said that really that there's three levels of teshuvah. There's, what did I do wrong, but that's the first level of teshuvah: what did I do wrong, I have to say I'm sorry, otherwise I'm going to get a patch. So in a certain sense that's also self-centered.

Then the the as one continues really a certain we we end up combining that, as as one continues on and then does the teshuvah sheleimah, where really I guess the middle level can go either way depending how you're framing it, when a person goes back and they does teshuvah on that וידוי, they say, well, the first time it's true that I got rid of the negative aspects of what I had to work on, but that was really because I was being self-centered. A person has to turn around and go to towards HaKadosh Baruch Hu, that's the second type of a teshuvah, and then the third one is בחינת עולם הבא.

It's a בחינה of continuing, when all of a sudden I realize that the person I was speaking to was I thought it was just one of my contemporaries, it was an adult. It wasn't an adult, it was it was the the person who owns the the place where I'm in. It was my host, it was a person who is very wealthy and in charge of many things. It was the מלך, it was As you go up and up, and you realize that the teshuvah that you did yesterday according to your understanding of what you did wrong yesterday was almost בחינת גשמיות, it was nothing compared to where I am now.

So as a person goes, at the point where I was holding yesterday, that גילוי, the teshuvah that I did was appropriate and it was relate to HaKadosh Baruch Hu as I understood according to my level of understanding. But now that I've grown so much and I'm holding on a higher דרגא, how was it that I said I'm sorry to HaKadosh Baruch Hu according to my immature understanding of yesterday? And a person continuously does תשובה על תשובה, they they go continuously continuously higher as they as they continue to go.

Now, we mentioned offhand, which we're going to come back to, is that the teshuvah process is is רצוא ושוב. I'm going to come back to that in a second. And we didn't flesh that out as much, but but after that point, we spoke about the teshuvah of the teshuvah process being understood within the אות of אלף itself. We said because the teshuvah process is adding the אלף to the דם, where a person becomes אדם and attaches to HaKadosh Baruch Hu. But not just that we're the אדם, that it's as if it's like the the representation of אדם is really a שיעור קומה, it's a structure in the בריאה where the בריאה aligns.

We talk we're going to talk about יחודים of Hashem, the way that the names of HaKadosh Baruch Hu on our level of understanding are the way that HaKadosh Baruch... HaKadosh Baruch Hu doesn't have names. Names are not applicable to to HaKadosh Baruch Hu. A name indicates finiteness and being able to quantify something. If you have a name, let's say you say, "Well, is the, what's the weather like? The weather is orange." It's a It's It's a meaningless statement. A name, a designation for something assumes that it has certain properties.

Because HaKadosh Baruch Hu is infinite, it's not just that HaKadosh Baruch Hu can't have names, the idea of names is not is not applicable to Hakadosh Baruch Hu, but for the fact that Hakadosh Baruch Hu gives us a way to relate to Him. I heard this idea from Rav David Gutlieb, I think was coming off a Rambam. But the the fact that Hakadosh Baruch Hu gives us gives us names. So Hakadosh Baruch Hu has When we say that we're When we say that we're being m'yached names of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, what we're doing is we're aligning the representation and the giluy of Hakadosh Baruch Hu in the world, because right now, very often the Shechinah, like we say, the Shechinah is in galut, it doesn't

seem when we look around that the that the world is There's ra in the world, things are not manifesting just hashgachah peratit in the world. When we bring the world back into being a giluy of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, so these are we're being m'yached, so to speak, the yichudim, the names of Hakadosh Baruch Hu that the way that Hakadosh Baruch Hu presents Himself as reflecting back towards Hashem in each way that that Hakadosh Baruch Hu allows Himself to manifest because we are finite beings and we need ways to ways to relate to Hakadosh Baruch Hu.

So we explained that in the אות אלף, the teshuvah process is the bottom the bottom י, because an אלף is a י on top, a י on the bottom, and a slash of a ו, if you would if you would look at it like that. So first, a person is דום, he turns that דם, the יצר הרע of דם, into דום. The way that he gets rid of his kavod is he stays silent in the in the context of of bizayon, and then he becomes embarrassed, but since he has no skin in the game, he's moving towards התבטלות, he reaches towards the upper י which is which is representative of of Ehyeh, which we said it actually is it's like three three יודין, which is

כתר, חכמה, and בינה, but it's it's representative of of Ehyeh and reaching ever higher until all of a sudden you can have a and that that upper י is is כתר, it's כיסוי, it's covered over by the ו, it's reaching this this higher בחינה of teshuvah, ultimately of we said תשובה על תשובה, בחינת עולם הבא, until you can have אדם יושב על הכסא, where there's a there is a גילוי of HaKadosh Baruch Hu. We've mentioned before, I think we've mentioned before, that that when when you have the relationship of of the the spiritual relationship, it's structured in terms of a נותן and a מקבל.

Sometimes we talk about that in terms of חסדים and גבורות. Another way to talk about that is that there's different ways of the spiritual forces. We've mentioned that the י-ק-ו-ק, the the way the way that we talk about spirituality, that there's different things. We could talk about it with a משל using an אדם, we could talk about it as a משל using אותיות. One of the משלים that we use in terms of the אותיות is is י-ק-ו-ק, and there's different ways if you spell out י-ק-ו-ק במילוי.

So the יוד would be יוד-ואו-דלת, but the ה, ו, and the the final ה could be spelled out different ways. The ways that they could be spelled out is either יוד, and then the ה would be ה-י, ו-י-ו, ה-י. That would end up being שם ע״ב, that would add up to 72. Then there's ס״ג: יוד-ואו-דלת, that's יוד, and then ה-י, ו-א-ו instead of ו-י-ו, and then ה-י. That would end up being that would end up being so instead of a יוד there's an אלף, that's minus nine, that's שם ס״ג.

And it goes: ע״ב, ס״ג, מ״ה... and ב״ן. So the, but the way that we talk about it is that when there's a מ״ה and a ב״ן, these are, well, I'm not going to go totally into it, the מ״ה is the נותן and the ב״ן is a מקבל. אדם is, so when when HaKadosh, there's different ways that we relate and for our purposes, just for now, is מ״ה is a, is is is the גימטריא אדם, it's 45. So when we have that the Adam is יושב על הכסא, we could say that that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is manifesting, cuz we talked about the the top יוד ultimately and then the bottom יוד being a relationship of נותן and מקבל, of a חכם and a נבון, of Moshe

and Yehoshua, of a Rebbe and a talmid, that is fulfilling that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is יושב על הכסא, is manifest with the with the שם מ״ה, and then it's able to manifest in מלכות, which is the מקבל, where we see a גילוי of Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Now, I'm just going to read quickly אות ד of this piece, because what we're going to do now is we're going to go back to אות ד, and this this piece is just totally unbelievable, because if if we're following, we see now how Rabbi Nachman literally took the avodah of chasidut and of mussar and these נקודות that we're talking about, and when we see one of these סדרים, the שמות and the אותיות and Hashem, you look at the

Matok MiDevash Siddur, or I don't know, a Siddur HaRashash, wherever a person might see one of these things, and it it just seems like something that's so totally beyond us and there's no way to relate to it. And over here is where or we could get a taste of just a little, like Rabbi Natan is going to say, like a טיפה שבטיפה, but on our level we could at least understand, if not understand the פנימיות of it, but see at least that it all is linked up and that really the פנימיות and the בריאה speaks to these concepts, and there's things that are so much greater, not that every person has to have these כוונות, but the תורת נתן says that even if a person

just has, you know, the emunah peshutah that whatever he's doing he does the ד׳ אמות של הלכה, he he goes through the process, that it affects these changes in the רוחניות world, so then that's enough to affect the changes. But we could see what the כוונות are there and every person on his own level should be should be able to do it. So, I'm just going to read again from this piece, אות ד, which will take a couple minutes, but I think it's worthwhile. So, אות ד, it said, well, within the teshuvah process there's actually two elements of teshuvah.

כשרצה אדם לילך בדרכי התשובה, צריך להיות בקי בהלכה. I'm going to read it fast, we can go back to the recording, וצריך להיות לו שני בקיאות. A person has to be a baki in how to operate, and that bekiut, that baki, being an expert, has to happen in two ways, היינו בקי ברצוא, בקי בשוב. Where has to be towards towards, it's coming from a pasuk in Yechezkel by the מעשה מרכבה, he has to know how to go and have an aliyah and how to have a yeridah, כמו שכתוב זכאה מאן דעייל ונפיק.

And we're going to explore that today, but in terms of how to have an aliyah, never to settle, don't sit on your, don't rest on your laurels. The more that we do, the more that we can do, and really it's exponential. Don't, if it could be that Baruch Hashem, Hashem gave you more kochos than your peers. So if you see that you're doing better than your peers, it doesn't mean that all of a sudden you can take a break. What it means is that now that I see my kochos, I can do that much more, right?

It takes money to make money. And on the other hand, very very often a person tries to do something and then they're not successful and they get depressed, or they have these hesterot and they just don't seem to be doing well. Well, that doesn't mean that I'm just living a bediavad life. There's actually an avodah to a yeridah. That that doesn't mean, one of the things that we're going to see as well, in in Rabbi Nachman's world and his presentation, when a person is having a yeridah, that doesn't mean just bide your time because there's no there's no God that that we can relate to in that way.

There's a way to relate to Hakadosh Baruch Hu in an avodah of aliyah, and there's a way to relate to Hakadosh Baruch Hu in our avodah of having a yeridah when we're in the choshech, and we can grow, not in the same way, not in the same avodah, but we have to adjust and understand our avodah in order to relate to Hakadosh Baruch Hu and grow in every aspect, because life and avodah is cyclical and it's necessarily made up of of aliyot and yeridot. וזה בחינת אם אסק שמים שם אתה.

אם אסק, if I ascend, שמים, there there you are, בחינת עייל, בחינת בקי ברצוא. That's how I know how to go up. ואציעה שאול הנך. And if I descend, I spread out the bed in שאול, so it says בחינת ונפיק, בחינת בקי בשוב. That's like that relates to having a yeridah and the avodah of that. וזה, we say, אני לדודי ודודי לי. אני לדודי is I go to Hakadosh Baruch Hu, I בחינת עייל, בחינת בקי ברצוא, so it's having aliyah. ודודי לי is that בחינת ונפיק. Chanukah, no better time to talk about that than Chanukah, we see that that Chanukah is under ten טפחים, that הקדוש ברוך הוא comes down to us.

We're we're in we're in the dumps, and these are the סוד of the כוונות אלול. And okay, and then he goes on quickly, okay, וזה עיקר כבודו, וזה עיקר כבודו. This is really the עיקר כבוד of כבוד אלקים. וכבדתו מעשות דרכיך in plural. כבוד we said is לשון of כתר, that we know how to approach the teshuvah process in two דרכים. דרכיך לשון רבים, היינו עייל ונפיק, רצוא ושוב, עליה וירידה. כשיש לו אלו שני בקיאות, when a person knows how to do this, אזי הוא הולך בדרכי התשובה וזוכה לכבוד השם.

That's how he can go into teshuvah and and go towards כבוד השם and have התבטלות, but we are human, we have yeridot, right? כמו שכתוב וכבדתו מעשות דרכיך, היינו שזוכה לכתר כי לית כבוד בלא כ״ף, because in order to have כבוד and כבוד אלקים there has to be כ״ף, there has to be תשובה, ואז ימין השם פשוטה לקבל תשובתו. וזה סוד כוונת אלול, and then it'll be ימין השם, and we'll see that ימין, if you spell it out, במילוי, like we said, יוד is יוד ואו דלת, מם is מם מם, יוד, you spell that out, that's also going to relate to דרך, and if a person has דרך, which is going to be we're going to see that דרכיך is the two elements of teshuvah,

then הקדוש ברוך הוא is going to be פשוטה לקבל שבים, that inherent in in this, we're going to see that we are able to be accepted and הקדוש ברוך הוא is open to accept us. And now we are going to go forward from where we are, a little bit of a long introduction, but I really do think that it was that it was worth it. And we say שייך שייך לעיל, on ז' עמוד ב' again in the standard print of the Likkutei Moharan. One of the things that Rav Chaim Kramer does bring down, the last point is that that Rabbi Nachman would oftentimes, I'm reading just from the English note, encompass a whole series of kabbalistic teachings and lessons of practical advice showing how people

can aspire to attain the greatest of levels. And after giving one such lesson, the Rabbi would offer a few hints as to where in the Kabbalah a person could find these concepts. Prior to Rav Natan becoming one of the Rabbi's followers, Rabbi Nachman said, "I long for a follower who is both learned and gifted with the power of language, then I will be able to explain teachings of the the Arizal so clearly that even when even young people will understand them." Even on our level, considering that this lesson was given, that's from from the book Tzadik, which I think is Chayei Moharan or Shivchei, I'm not sure, considering that this that this lesson was given just after Rav Natan became the Rabbi's follower, it does

seem that the Rabbi's intention in revealing these כוונות was to see if Rav Natan could record them properly. שייך לעיל, to לעיל is אות ד' that we just read, that we just read inside. Okay. וזה סוד כוונת אלול. שמעתי קצת, says Rav Natan, I heard a little bit from from Rabbi Nachman, כטיפה מן הים. עיין שם בכוונות של אלול, look in the כוונות of Elul from the the Arizal. Now I'm going to read again quickly, hopefully these introductions will be worth it, the actual מאמר over here it's quoted from Mishnat Chassidim, that will not seem to make sense at all to us, but we're going to see what these כוונות are.

בכוונות הכללות של חודש זה הנקרא אלול הוא שם ס״ג, so if you spell it out, ששרשו הוא א״ל של אלול, because if you look in the שם ס״ג, there's three יודין and an אלף, the way it's spelled out, the יו״ד ק״א וא״ו ק״א with the שם ס״ג has three יודין and an אלף, just take it for granted at this point, that that is going to be 31, that's א״ל of Elul, and then קס״א, קו״ף סמ״ך אל״ף, is also a name of השם שבו ג' יודין, which has three יודין, because קס״א, 161 is the gematria of אהי״ה, if you spelled out אהי״ה, which is which is you spell out the אל״ף, and then the ק״י, ק״י, יו״ד, and then יו״ד וא״ו דל״ת, so if you spell

out אהי״ה במילוי, the שם אהי״ה of השם במילוי, that would be 161, כמספר הלמ״ד של אלול, so that ends up being 30. That would have three יודין if you spelled it out, that's 30, so so far we have the א״ל, another למ״ד of אלול, והאל״ף שבו נעלמת בוא״ו של אלול, and then the אל״ף which is hidden in the וא״ו of אלול. ושני שמות אלו מספרם דר״ך, and if you put together the two names of הקדוש ברוך הוא, קס״א and ס״ג, then that would equal to 224, because קס״א is 161 and ס״ג is 63, so that would equal 224, which is דר״ך, and דר״ך מאירים בים, דר״ך would shed light into ים, which in בים שהוא ב״ן, which is 52 if you add it up, so

then when a person does these things in אלול, and they incorporate teshuvah in the two דרכים that we that we discussed, the עלייה and ירידה, that will shine light into בים, that will shine light into the 52 into the מלכות, so that there could be a manifestation of הקדוש ברוך הוא. בסוד, a פסוק from ישעיה: הנותן בים דרך. כיצד יכוון, שכל כיצד יכוון שכל כף ימין ה' פשוטה לקבל שבים, that after we do this teshuvah this ימין, because ימין spelled out is also the same gematria as דרך, we're going to reach where הקדוש ברוך הוא's פשוטה is open to be מקבל שבים.

ויכוון השם ס״ג בחיריק, והקס״א בסגול, we'll see what that means, ודרך עם שלש אותיות, הוא מספר תיבת ימין, מילוי יו״ד מ״ם יו״ד נו״ן. Okay, good. Now let's see it inside. I'm going to read part the technical part as clearly as I can, and we're going to go through it, and then we're going to come back around to to incorporating it. And again, if we've been following, either this will go straight over our heads or this will give us shivers because of of just these things that are just so beyond us, and really we see how the penimiyut and the musar and the chassidut and the avodah really come together into one unbelievable picture.

Again, שייך לעיל, וזה סוד כוונת אלול, שמעתי קצת, כטיפה מן הים, עיין שם בכוונות של אלול, מבואר שם, it's explained over there, שכלל כוונת אלול הוא, what is the כלל כוונת אלול, הנותן בים דרך, that one who makes a derech through the through the ים, it's pasuk in Yeshayahu, and we're going to see see that what he puts into the בים, into the מלכות, into the גילוי, into where we see הקדוש ברוך הוא, דרך, so he puts the derech into the ים, שצריכים, like what we saw already before in the teshuvah process that we that we said that when a person adds the א to the dam, so that creates a a yichud, that he that he turns the dam into dom through silence, and

and creates that adam is יושב על הכסא, and then there's a there's a גילוי that goes straight through from the upper י to the bottom י, okay, and which is מלכות, הנותן בים דרך, שצריכים להורות בחינת דרך. Derech is 224. בים, into which is 52, it's a שם ב״ן which is the שם מלכות, we have to create that there's a גילוי of הקדוש ברוך הוא. וזה הדרך, this דרך הוא בחינת שתי פעמים השם יב״ק. Derech is 224 that incorporates two times the שם יב״ק. יב״ק, by the way, is the letter of baki, because a person has to be baki twice: בקי ברצוא, בקי בשוב, עייל ונפק, an aliyah and a yeridah, right?

So יב״ק is the שם השם that matches up to בקי. יב״ק, by the way, is 112, is, for what this is worth to you, is if you add up the שם, the gematria of אהי״ה is 21, י-ה-ו-ה is 26, and א-ד-נ-י is 65, you add that up, that's יב״ק. יב״ק is a שם השם. It's also why does why we say that בקי has the same letters of יב״ק, so when a person has בקי times two, he's יב״ק times two, that ends up being the דרך of teshuvah, like we saw that דרך is is a plural, כי שתי פעמים יב״ק עולה דרך, וזה נמשך מבחינת שני שמות.

And this דרך comes from the two different שמות, שהם, now this דרך of towards teshuvah, which incorporates יב״ק twice, like בקי, he's a בקי ברצוא and בקי בשוב, but that also incorporates the two names of השם, because names of months are are similar have associated, if you look in a siddur by Rosh Chodesh, names of HaKadosh Baruch Hu and even different נקודות associated with them. I mean like, wow, right? So it says שם קס״א and ס״ג. So the name of קס״א, the name of 161, which is אהי״ה, which is teshuvah, which we said is going forward, it's עייל, so the name that's associated with אהי״ה, which again you spell out א is אל״ף, the ה is ה״י, right, is the name of קס״א, and the

name ס״ג, which is, we're going to see, is going to relate to relating to HaKadosh Baruch Hu in a time of ירידה. So if you add together though קס״א and ס״ג, 161 and 63, those add up also to 224, because when a person knows to have the two derachim and relate to הקדוש ברוך הוא through קס״א and ס״ג, the two names of הקדוש ברוך הוא that relate to Elul, so then you have the two derachim of teshuvah that make that a person is going to have ימין פשוטה לקבל שבים, כי אלו שני שמות קס״א ס״ג הם עולים בגימטריא שתי פעמים יב״ק, that's יב״ק times two, is 112 times two is 224, and these two names of הקדוש ברוך הוא also are 224, שהוא גימטריא דרך

כנ״ל, that these are the this is the דרך towards being able to do teshuvah. וצריך לכוון שם קס״א בסגול. Now when we think about the שם קס״א, which is again the שם קס״א is אהי״ה spelled out, so it would be אל״ף, ה״י, right, if you spell that out that would be 10 letters, each one of the 10 letters gets a segol, a segol we look at as being three יודי״ן. So that would mean that a segol is 10 times three, 10 segolim under the letters of of אהי״ה, of אל״ף, ה״י, right, of of אהי״ה spelled out, would be 10 segolim would be 10 times 30 would be 300.

ושם ס״ג, שם ס״ג is is the name י-ה-ו-ה, but spelled out, so it's יו״ד, ק״י, so it's one of the ways of spelling out הקדוש ברוך הוא of the י-ה-ו-ה is ס״ג, that would also be 10 letters, and if we put that all with a chirik, which we said earlier a chirik is like that bottom י, right, that we put in that when we align this all with the letter א, then if this is technical, again, we're going to get through this, we're going to go back, but if it's if we can get a little bit of it, then it's it's worth it.

ושם ס״ג בניקוד חיריק. So if you have now the שם קס״א and the שם ס״ג, which are the two names of Elul, which add up to דרך, which is two times יב״ק, which is which is also the letters of בקי, so that a person who's able to know how to do teshuvah in both elements can reach the דרך, and these are the names of Elul, and you take those names of Elul, which is what they are, קס״א is the שם of א-ה-י-ה, אהי״ה spelled out, and ס״ג, which would be the שם י-ה-ו-ה, יו״ד, ק״י, is spelled down in a certain way also, and you put 10 סגולים under the שם אהי״ה spelled out, and 10 חיריקים under the שם י-ה-ו-ה, the שם ס״ג spelled out,

that would be the the 10 סגולים are 300, because a סגול is like three יודי״ן, the three dots, so 10 times three for the סגול is 300, 300 is 30, 30 times 10 is 300, and the 10 חיריקים are like 10 יודי״ן, the dot is like a י, that's 100. וסגול דקס״א וחיריק דס״ג הם עולים ת, ends up being 400. Why? כי שם קס״א הוא שם אהי״ה במילוי כזה, אל״ף אל״ף spelled out, אל״ף, ק״י, יש שם עשר אותיות, that's 10 letters, וכל אחת מנוקדה בסגול, each one has a סגול underneath, והסגול הוא שלש נקודות, and each סגול is three נקודות.

which each is like three יו״דs, ועל כן הוא עולה שלושים, ועל כן י׳ פעמים סגול עולה ש׳, and it's 300. The נקודות also representative of things. This is פנימיות. וס״ג הם י׳ אותיות של מילוי הוי״ה, and ס״ג is the ten letters of of the מילוי of הוי״ה spelled out like this: יו״ד is יו״ד ו״ו דל״ת, ה״י as the ה״י יו״ד, וא״ו as וא״ו אל״ף וא״ו instead of the שם ע״ב which would be וא״ו יו״ד וא״ו, this is וא״ו אל״ף וא״ו, and ה״י is ה״י יו״ד. וכל אחת נקודה בחיריק, if you put ten חיריקs, a חיריק under each letter, עולה ק׳, that's going to be a hundred.

ושניהם, חיריק דס״ג וסגול דקס״א, so now that you have 100 and 300 just the נקודות, עולים יחד ת׳, 400, בגימטריא פשוטה. So if a person reaches the דרך towards teshuvah, it'll be ימין פשוטה לקבל שבים, so ואז על ידי בחינת הנ״ל, ימין פשוטה לקבל שבים. Why? Because the word ימין, Hakadosh Baruch Hu's right hand, as it were, like chesed, is open to be mekabel people that do teshuvah, and ימין במלואו, if you spell out ימין is יו״ד ו״ו דל״ת, מ״ם מ״ם, יו״ד ו״ו דל״ת, נו״ן ו״ו נו״ן, that's the word ימין spelled with the letters spelled out, עולה in the gematria is דרך.

How? So it's not exact, we're going to see how that works out, because דרך is 224, עם ג׳ אותיות, if you had דרך which is 224 plus one for each letter, דרך is דל״ת רי״ש כ״ף, that's three, so 224 plus three is 227, שהוא שתי פעמים יב״ק, which we already said is representative of being two times יב״ק, like בקי, which is בקי ברצוא, בקי בשוב, having an עליה and having a ירידה. And ימין, which is 226 plus one for the כולל, we'll add one for the whole word ימין, is 227.

So now, ימין פשוטה לקבל שבים. When a person is ימין, when a person has the דרך, which a דרך is two times יב״ק, a דרך is knowing how to be a בקי in עאל רצוא... רצוא ושוב. Doing teshuvah is both ימי עליה and ימי ירידה, ימי אהבה, ימי שנאה, right? עאל ונפק. And that's represented in the שם קס״א and the שם ס״ג, which we'll see that קס״א is like an aliyah and ס״ג is representative of avodah by a yeridah. Then a person, when you incorporate the נקודות, which end up being פשוטה, a person does this דרך towards teshuvah, they're פשוטה לקבל, הקדוש ברוך הוא is going to be פשוטה לקבל שבים.

עיין שם, כל זה מבואר מתוך כוונת אלול. Wow. Okay. So now, ועתה בוא וראה והבן איך כל כוונות הנאמרים מרומזים ונעלמים בדרך נפלא ונורא מאוד בתוך התורה. We're going to go back, and we're going to see how all of this is represented within the Torah that we're learning now, הנ״ל. כי מבואר שם שמי שרוצה לעשות תשובה, a person who wants to do תשובה, צריך שיהיה לו שני בקיאות, a person has to have two בקיאותs, two expertises, expertise, expertise, היינו בקי ברצוא, בקי בשוב, שהוא בחינת עאל ונפק, עליה וירידה.

A person who wants to do teshuvah has to have two different דרכים, each one being a baki in either... שם יב״ק times two. בחינת אם אסק שמים שם אתה. Right? By the way, שם קס״א, קו״ף סמ״ך אל״ף, is אם אסק שמים. See, now we're weaving pesukim with the פנימיות. אם אסק שמים, if I go up to the heavens, אסק, go arise to the heavens, is שם קס״א, אל״ף סמ״ך קו״ף, rearranged is קו״ף סמ״ך אל״ף, שהוא בחינת בקי ברצוא. ואציעה שאול הנך, and if I go down to the depths, שהוא בחינת בקי בשוב, and I know how to grow, how to see God in the yeridah as well, כמבואר לעיל.

That doesn't mean we are not assuming that there's no such thing as a yeridah, there's no such thing as darkness. No, not not Rabbi Nachman, there is darkness, things are tough. Sometimes we are we we're depressed, and we have to know how to deal with it because it's not that we grow despite that, it's that that that we're בקי בשוב, we grow through that. We have to know how to find הקדוש ברוך הוא and grow in that case, not in the same way. We change the goalposts, right?

We change the avodah. So we have to know it's a separate בקיאות, עיין שם. והפירוש הפשוט הוא שמי שרוצה לילך בדרכי התשובה צריך לחגור מתניו. A person wants to do be successful in teshuvah, they have to gird their loins, get ready for war. If you don't know what girding your loins means, right? This comes up in so many places. If you think about one of those like you know Fantasia Mickey Mouse outfits, so you can't like run in them, so what you do is you pull up The loins are like the waist area, what you do is that you would pull up the cloth underneath your legs so that it wouldn't hinder your leg movements and tie it around your waist.

You would gird your loins, so you had free movement of your legs to engage in battle. שיתחזק עצמו בדרכי השם תמיד, that a person has to be מתחזק in דרכי השם, בין בעליה בין בירידה, in the good times and the better times, right? שזה בחינת אם אסק שמים, if I rise to the heavens, ואציעה שאול הנך, and I go down to the depths, there you are, pasuk in Tehillim, that he's a that he's a בקי in ימי אהבה, היינו שבין שיזכה לאיזו עליה, לאיזו מדריגה גדולה, אף על פי כן אל יעמוד שם.

That's what it means to be a בקי in עאל. You're doing good, do better. When times are good, double down. Right? Then when when all of a sudden you have an inspiration, don't do a little bit and then look around and say, well, I'm doing good for myself, I'm doing good for my peers. This is this is a whole new avodah. You go forward. You just milk it for all it's worth. You take it. You shoot for the stars. ולא יסתפק עצמו בזה, don't be satisfied, רק שצריך שיהיה בקי בזה עוד לידע ולהאמין שצריך לילך אז יותר ויותר, go up and up and up, שזה בחינת בקי ברצוא, בחינת עייל.

This is going forward and elevating yourself, שוב בחינת אם אסק שמים שם אתה, this is אסק. If I rise to the heavens, שם כתר, that's that's one name of Hakadosh Baruch Hu that relates to this idea of avodah. וכן להיפך, and a person's having, chas v'rachmana litzlan, a yeridah, but it's part of the process. But right, it says in Likutei Halachot that he brings down over here. Listen to this, okay? שרק בדרך זו אפשר לזכות, and this is the lashon of Likutei Halachot, אי אפשר לזכות, I'm reading this out from my note, אי אפשר לזכות לתשובה כי אם על ידי דרך זה.

This is how you do teshuvah, כשמקבלים על עצמו שאיך שיהיה, יחזק עצמו בשם יתברך תמיד. No matter how it goes, you're going to be mechazek in Hashem all the time, בבחינת ואציעה שאול הנך, even when I'm having a yeridah. אז דייקא יזכה לתשובה כי הרבה עליות וירידות צריכין לעבור על כל אחד ואחד שאי אפשר לבאר בכתב, ובפרט מי שכבר נכשל כמו שנכשל. This wasn't actually the note that I thought it was, there'll be another one later. But but he said but it says, the point is that the aliyot and yeridot are built into the process.

A person a person is doing great, all of a sudden they're riding like the wind and then it falls away. You know why? Because they are ready to take the training wheels off, right? You know how you break ceilings? By hitting the ceilings, and it hurts your head sometimes and then you fall to the bottom, and then how do you find your limits other than by by breaking into the ceiling? And sometimes you fall flat. That is what avodah is. If you're always within your zone of comfort, you'll never truly grow because you're never going to break out of it.

שאפילו אם יפול חס ושלום למקום שיפול, even if you fall, אפילו בשאול תחתיות, even to the lowest depths, גם כן אל יתייאש עצמו לעולם. Don't give up. Yeiush is not part of the process. You just got to go and go and and and you just got to stay consistent and understand that there is an avodah of being in the darkness. ותמיד יחפש ויבקש את השם יתברך. Just keep on, if you're doing hitbodedut, so you don't feel this ha'arah, just keep on talking to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. You're doing something, and you know, you saw it's avodah, it's the right thing to do, and all of a sudden it starts seeming mundane, just stick with it because you will break through.

ויחזק עצמו בכל מקום שהוא בכל מה שיוכל, whatever he can, כי גם בשאול תחתיות נמצא השם יתברך. Don't pretend that the darkness doesn't exist. No, the darkness is a, right, without exploring totally, if there was no godliness in the darkness, the darkness wouldn't exist. The only way that there could be anything, Hakadosh Baruch Hu gives us רע and a framework so that He gives us a מקום for avodah, but there's godliness everywhere, and it's there for a reason, and it's there specifically for us to grow from.

If there was no way for us to connect to HaKadosh Baruch Hu, it wouldn't exist, it wouldn't be there. HaKadosh Baruch Hu is mechayeh, gives life to the entire the entire beriah. Now, just to add as one footnote over here, the Nefesh HaChaim discusses the danger of this concept when a person says, "Well, HaKadosh Baruch Hu is in the Beit HaMikdash and the Beit Midrash just the same way that HaKadosh Baruch Hu is in a tissue or in a a carnival or anywhere else. So what's the difference where I daven?" So then a person says, "Even in a מקום מטונף, a dirty place, an outhouse, that there's also godliness there." That's true.

However, the the מקום avodah, the world that HaKadosh Baruch Hu gave us to relate to Him, to be able to build up, to relate to the רמ״ח אברים ושס״ה גידים, the תרי״ג מצות, is that there's a ד' amos shel halacha. And as it relates to the עולם העשיה, there is a מקום מטונף, and our avodah takes place within halacha. And if it's asur to daven, to learn in a מקום מטונף, so then we can't be too much חכמים for our own good and say, "Well, if we focus on the fact there's godliness everywhere, so then what's the difference?

I could I could do whatever I want." No. At the end of the day, we know that this concept is there from a halachic point of view, but we take a step back and we still have to conform to the ד' amos shel halacha. And if there there's a מקום מטונף, so then there's no kedushah there vis-a-vis our avodah. But in terms of what we're talking about over here, in terms of a depression, in terms of a darkness, so then even in the negative, there is godliness there in the negative place.

No matter where you are, a person can tap into HaKadosh Baruch Hu by doing whatever the appropriate avodah is for there. וגם שם יכולים לדבק את עצמו אליו יתברך, you can connect to HaKadosh Baruch Hu there anyway. There's a story with some chasidishe chasidishe rebbe, I forget who it was, that he was in some sort of a prison and there was a a bucket there to go to the bathroom, rachmana litzlan. There was not, you know, that's how they went. So he couldn't say brachot, so he was all depressed.

And then he thought, or somebody told him, whatever exactly the story went, he said, "I can be mekayem my avodah of not saying a berachah because there's a bedpan in the room." And he took the bedpan and he lifted it up and he started dancing around with it until the guard saw him and thought that he was, you know, crazy, and he said, "Well, if you're having so much enjoyment from the bedpan, I'll take it out." Then it was out and he was able to say brachot again.

But there was an avodah, there's an avodah to eating on Yom Kippur when that's what the halacha is. There's an avodah to to complying. Or sometimes you can't learn on Tisha B'Av because that's halacha, the רצון השם, or you can't learn certain things on Tisha B'Av. Well, so if I'm going to say כנגד הלכה, "I'm going to learn Bava Kamma, I'm going to learn what I want to," then who whom am I satisfying? כבוד מלכים, even in a good way, right? It's a frumkeit, that's fine, but that's not רצון השם, that's not כבוד אלקים.

וגם שם You can be מדבק to Hashem, Hakadosh Baruch Hu anywhere, וזה בחינת ואציעה שאול הינך. That that's where I go down to the depths, וזה בחינת בקי בשוב, כי אי אפשר לילך בדרכי התשובה כי אם כשבקי בשני בקיאות האלו. The way to be zocheh in teshuvah is to be a בקי in these two things. ומדקדק רבינו זכרונו לברכה וקרא ענין זה בלשון בקי. Why use בקי? Say ידיעה, he knows how to do teshuvah. What's a בקי? He's an expert in teshuvah? כי בקיאות גדול מאוד מאוד.

A person has to be a super expert, and that's the לשון of בקי, שיזכה לידע ליגע עצמו ולטרוח בעבודת השם תמיד, that he has to know. And again, בקי, I'm not the one who came up with this, I don't know if it says it here, it said it earlier, בקי is the letters of the שם יבוק. יבוק twice is בקי twice. He has to know how to exert himself and to be מטריח בעבודת השם תמיד, in every situation. The person that says is, why am I here now?

What is my avodah in this situation? Not how do I just Maybe part of your avodah is to get past it, but it's not how do I get past it so that I can engage avodah. It's what is my avodah now? ולצפות בכל עת להגיע למדריגה גבוהה יותר. How do I go and I climb to the heights? ואף על פי כן אל יפול משום דבר, and not to fall. ואפילו אם יהיה איך שיהיה, חס ושלום, but if he does fall, אף על פי כן אל יפול בדעתו כלל.

That shouldn't result in depression, that's a change in avodah. Now, I saw that, you know, somebody told of Rav Elyashiv, zichrono tzadik vekadosh livracha, that somebody in his family had died, he walked to the shelf, he put away the Shulchan Aruch that he was looking at, and he pulled out the volume on אבלות. ויקיים ואציעה Okay, that's not what we're holding, but the point is an avodah in everything, ויקיים ואציעה שאול הינך, period. So so we see over here that a person has shoot for the stars, you aim to get higher, and when it doesn't work out, or you're not holding there, you misinterpreted, or just stam, you lose your steam, that at that point it switches over.

You feel the depression coming on, person feels upset, then that that switches. It's not that we There's a big מכשול, a big stumbling block in trying to shoot for the wrong goal for the wrong time, right? If a person shoots for for goals that are unattainable, yes, you want to raise the bar, but when a person is holding by a different level avodah, so what you do is you change the playing field. And here is the note that I wanted, also from Likutey Halachot, שכאשר אדם רוצה להתקרב להשם יתברך וללכת בתשובה, צריך, it's necessary, שיהיו לו אלפים ורבבות עליות וירידות בלי שיעור.

There are ups and That is what avodah is made up of. שבע יפול צדיק וקם, for a רשע falls only once, because it's not that a צדיק grows despite the falls, it's he grows through the process, peaks and valleys. Climb up 11, down 10, up 11, down 10, up 11, down 10. You see a trend, you see a graph. And a person has to be mechazek every single time to go forward, and he should know that להאמין באמונה שלמה שאין שום ירידה בעולם, כי בכל מקום יכול למצוא את השם יתברך.

It's a ירידה כנגד his emotions at the time, and כנגד, you know, what what he's able to accomplish. But when a person is climbing, right, a person is running a marathon, sometimes they put weights on, they put resistance. So, at that point, they're not running as fast. Is that a ירידה? No, it's a different avodah that ultimately strengthens themself, so that when they take the weights back off, they can shoot all the way high, right? If a person is able to learn, I'm making it up, an hour, whatever it is, when it's quiet, and when it's noisy, so he can only concentrate for five minutes, but those five minutes might be more than the effort to learn for the hour.

So that's when it's quiet again, all of a sudden, now the next time it'll be an hour, it'll be an hour and a half. And therefore, a person has to be בקי בהלכה, בקי ושב. And now, we're going to say al pi sod, because until now, we've been talking peshat, I guess, I don't know, ועל פי סוד נעלם בזה סוד כוונת אלול הנ״ל. How do we read it in? A lot of this we read into it already. כי בקי הוא בחינת שם יב״ק, Here it is. בקי is יבוק הנ״ל שהוא אותיות בקי, because that's אותיות בקי.

It's a Zohar in Parashat Mishpatim. The note over here says Hakadosh Baruch Hu, even just in the acronym, ה ק ב ה is 112, בחשבון יב״ק. ומאן דאיהו בקי בהלכה, we said a person who wants to grow has to be a בקי בהלכה, דלא דאיהו שכינתא, קודשא בריך הוא עמיה, דבגיניה לא יזוז מיניה לעולם. That if a person is בקי יבוק, he's a בקי בהלכה in both ways, and he's able to find the Shechinah, Hakadosh Baruch Hu is עמו, הקדוש ברוך הוא is with him, then Hakadosh Baruch Hu is not going to leave him ever, in any event, whether or not it seems that it's more of a גילוי or it seems more dark.

וזה שזוכה לשני הבקיאות הנ״ל, שהם שתי פעמים בקי, How is it that a person is זוכה, דהיינו בקי ברצוא, בקי בשוב, how does a person attain this? Or that a person should do this, that this that a person should be בקי in this, על ידי זה זוכה לדרך התשובה, through this derech, which we said is the ימין, spelled out, ימין פשוטה לקבל שבים, through this derech, through this ימין, he'll be זוכה to the derech of teshuvah, of פשוטה, which is built into it. We said that it's inherent in the nekudot of the שם קס״ה and שם ס״ג that are that are representative of the two avodot, of the the two names of of Hakadosh Baruch Hu that relate to Elul, that are that that שם

קס״ה is a שם ע״ב שם ס״ג is the שם is בקי בשוב. כי שתי פעמים בקי, because two times בקי, which is what, 112 times two, which is דרך, שהם בחינת שתי פעמים יב״ק כנ״ל, which is the two שמות of השם of יב״ק, עולה בגימטריא דרך, that is the גימטריא of דרך. כי על פי הכוונות נעשה זה הדרך מבחינת סגול דכתר, because through our כוונות a person makes דרך from כתר, which is which is like אשא כ שמים rearranged, which is אהיה, which is the שם of teshuvah spelled out, which which also when you spell this out you put under it three סגולs, right?

וחיריק דס״ג, and then you have the the ס״ג which is going to be, we'll see in a second how it relates to the the yeridah, the that that element of the avodah, and that comes with חיריקים. That's like the bottom י of the א. That we said is a חיריק, and the top י of the א we said is like a סגול because it's כתר, חכמה, ובינה, it's like three heads of that י, three parts of that י. שהם בגימטריא שתי פעמים יב״ק כנ״ל, that that this דרך is two times בקי ברצוא, בקי בשוב, two times יב״ק.

וזה בעצמו סוד בחינת שני הבקיאות כנ״ל, this is the בחינה of these two בקיאות, כי בקי ברצוא, a person who knows how to have an aliyah, never be satisfied, never sit on your laurels when you're getting closer to הקדוש ברוך הוא, just keep on going, שהוא בחינת אסק שמים, "I'm going to climb to the heavens," זה בחינת סגול דכתר, this is like the the Keter with the segols. כי אסק אותיות כתר, because esek is like the name of Keter, which is the gematria of Ehyeh, the name alef heh yud heh of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, which we said is like Keter, that's the top י, that's תשובה, ובקי בשוב שהוא בחינת ואציעה שאול הנך, and when a person's having yeridah, that's like the pasuk of I

I go to the the end of that pasuk of Tehillim, "I go to the depths," זה בחינת חיריק דס״ג, a sag with the חיריק, מלשון אל תסג, תסג is like a lashon of sag, "Don't move back the גבול עולם," don't move back, like in Mishlei, not to move back the the גבול that was set in part by the, set there by the ancient ones, but the point is that we see תסג is to retreat, שהוא בחינת שמסיג גבולו ומחזירו לאחוריו, that a person retreats from his limits, he turns back, שבזה בחינת ירידה שהאדם נופל חס ושלום ממדריגתו, והוא נסוג אחור חס ושלום, and he's turning back, so we see that that's why lashon of sag is representative of תסג, of going back, of having that

yeridah when a person is going not not upwards in an aliyah. אף על פי כן יחזק את עצמו, in that situation, doesn't mean yechazek and make it as though you're having an aliyah, a person doesn't יחזק, ולא יתייאש את עצמו לעולם, not to go chas veshalom into ye'ush. Ye'ush is the worst, atzvut is the worst. A person, the yetzer hara doesn't even have to get to you, all he has to do is the the Tanya brings a an example of two people, even if one is strong and one is weaker, but if the one who's strong doesn't have enthusiasm, he's atzvut, he's lethargic, right?

Lethargy, but lethargic. He's lethargic and he he doesn't have the oomph, then the weaker person will be able to beat him, the one who's got the fire. כי גם שם נמצא השם יתברך, the yetzer hara just has to make you depressed, because כי גם שם נמצא השם יתברך, there is an avodah there, too, in the depths, בחינת ואציעה שאול הנך, "I go down," כנ״ל, וזה בחינת שם ס״ג כנ״ל. And this is the bechinah of שם ס״ג. So, it comes out that baki, which is the שם יב״ק, which is 112 twice, because a person has to be baki twice, בקי בעליה, בקי בשוב, בירידה, בקי ברצוא, בקי בשוב, right?

עייל ונפק is the lashon in the Zohar, and the two leshonot of Elul, which are כתר וס״ג, the שם כתר and the שם ס״ג, which we've already described, right? Those are the two shemot of Elul, which relate also to aliyah and to yeridah, that build up to the same gematria as derech, is because a person to get to the derech of teshuvah, which is yamin, spell the word yamin spelled out, that's where a person is going to be zocheh to teshuvah, to peshutah, because when you put together the כתר and the ס״ג with the nekudot, then a person has these two derachim in teshuvah and they're zocheh to ימין פשוטה לקבל שבים.

וכי סגול, because the chamah, because segol is now this we we actually already we we already addressed, I'm just going to say where, earlier in this Torah, in תורה ו׳, in let's see if I could find it for a second. Yeah, in right before אות ו׳, right before the רבה בר בר חנה גמרא, so we said that והנה כיסא העליון, that was that upper י which is כתר, cuz it's hidden by the ו, it is אהיה, right? That's the teshuvah process we're talking about, היינו נקודה העליונה that is נחלקת לשלש טיפין.

Over there we said, I'm just reading back from over there, כי תשובה צריך להיות בשלש תנאים, why? כי כתיב פן יראה בעיניו ובאזניו ישמע ולבבו יבין ושב, so we related the teshuvah process by that that to כתר, חכמה, ובינה in different ways, and therefore we said that even though the bottom י is like a חיריק, the top י is like a י, is like is like has three parts to it, which is the three בחינות is כנגד a סגול, the three parts of that teshuvah process. And then we ultimately said that when a person completes this, so then it ends up being that the top י is like the חמה, the נותן, and the the bottom י is like the לבנה, and it goes through

the ו as the vehicle, as the medium, and then everything lines up until you have אדם יושב על הכסא because after that teshuvah process, then the א joins to the ד because you turn דם into דום, you're silent, and then you join it with an א, and that's where that's where you have אדם יושב על הכסא and connected with Hakadosh Baruch Hu. But in any event, so over here we say כי סגול דא חמה, that upper י, the סגול is כנגד החמה, is the נותן, is the sun, שהוא נקודה עליונה של א like we just said, הנחלקת לשלש טיפין, right?

The ימינו פשוטה לקבל שבים by the way comes up in two places, in Va'eschanan, it says Sifrei in Va'eschanan, and also when we say והוא רחום davening, but he says שהוא נקודה עליונה של א הנחלקת לשלש טיפין like we just said, כתר, חכמה, and בינה, שזהו that this is is the שם קס״א, which is yeah, בבחינת אסק שמים. אסק שמים is when a person's having an an עליה, so קס״א is the שם קס״א, which is 161, which is the שם אהיה written out, which is that top י, which is כתר, which is כבוד אלקים בבחינת סגול, the כתר when you add the סגול שהוא אותיות קס״א כנ״ל, and then you add that in, that's going to be 300 of the 400 when you add the

נקודות, because that's from the 400 is the the word פשוטה. וחיריק הוא בבחינת נקודה תחתונה של א, and the חיריק, the bottom י of the א, that where a person stays silent, right, that's going to be מה שהוא בבחינת ואציעה שאול הנך at the bottom, שהוא בבחינת חיריק דס״ג, that's going to be the the the lower חיריק, and when you have the חיריק times 10 letters, י, because a חיריק is like a dot, which is like a י, which is 10 times the 10 letters of the ס״ג written out, שם ס״ג is יו״ד ק״י וא״ו ק״י, but written out so that י is יו״ד, ה is ה״י, ו is וא״ו, the last ה is ה״י, and you add up all those 10 letters, that ends

up being 63, and you add you add up the the 10 dots underneath them for the חיריק, that's 100, 300 and 100 is 400 is פשוטה. And ימין is דרך. וזה שכתב שם למעלה בתורה, hold on, let me let me just a little note over here, let me see what I wanted over here, anything? Yeah. No, okay, I don't know. וזה שכתב שם למעלה בתורה הנ״ל כשיש לו אלו שני בחינות בשני הבקיאות הנ״ל, אזי הוא הולך בדרכי תשובה. When a person has these two ways, he goes in דרך of תשובה כי משני פעמים בקי.

When a person's בקי in both עבודה, שהם בחינת קס״א וס״ג, קס״א is אסק שמים when I go up, and ס״ג, which is like תשיג the גבול when it goes back, אסק שמים ואציעה שאול, or if I go all the way to the depths, על ידי זה נעשה בחינת דרך, those two ways form the דרך of תשובה, which is גימטריא שתי פעמים בקי, שהם קס״א וס״ג, which is which is בקי in both, which is also the two names of אלקים, קס״א and ס״ג, כי עיקר דרך התשובה זוכין על ידי שני בקיאות הנ״ל, ואז ימין ה׳ פשוטה.

And now the ימין ה׳ is going to be פשוטה לקבל שבים, because we said that ימין spelled out as יו״ד מ״ם יו״ד נו״ן, right, is דרך, and then when you do all of that, and it incorporates דרך, which is the שם of קס״א and the שם of ס״ג, and you take the נקודות of those two words, that ends up being פשוטה that הקדוש ברוך הוא is going to accept that תשובה, לקבל תשובתו, כי ימין בגימטריא דרך, and ימין spelled out as גימטריא of דרך שהם שתי פעמים בקי כנ״ל, which is דרך again is is the two elements of being an expert, ופשוטה בגימטריא סגול דקס״א וחיריק דס״ג, which we explained, שהם בעצמם בחינת נקודה עליונה ונקודה תחתונָה, and these relate also to the bottom י,

which is and the top י of the א, right, we're plugging this in now to what we said before, that the bottom י is 10, and the top י is actually בשם סגול because it's the three elements of כתר, חכמה, and בינה, so now we're relating everything that we're saying into the what we described as the א showing the תשובה process last week. We're now showing that this פנימיות of the כונות of the AriZal lines up with the א, lines up with the מוסר and the עבודה of the תשובה process, שהם בחינת מה שצריכין לבקש השם יתברך תמיד, that a person always wants to get closer to הקדוש ברוך הוא constantly in every situation, הן למעלה, הן למטה, בחינת אם אסק שמים שם אתה, if

I go to the heavens, there You are, ואציעה שאול הנך, שהם בחינה שני בקיאות הנ״ל. Period. And again, the way that Yamin and derech line up is that derech is 224 plus 3 for one for each letter of ד, ר, and ך, so it's 224 plus 3 is 227. Yamin spelled out is going to be 226 plus 1 for the kolel for just the word Yamin is 227 also. ועל כן כשיש לו שני בקיאות הנ״ל, when a person has these two expertise, אז הוא הולך בדרכי התשובה, he goes in the derech of תשובה, ואז ימין ה׳ פשוטה לקבל תשובתו, and then Hakadosh Baruch Hu is going to be mekabel his teshuvah when he's able to find the avodah of getting closer to God in every

situation, the aliyot and the yeridot, which yeridot don't mean that you're moving away from God, it means that you're moving away from the clear giluy and the enthusiasm, but there's an avodah there too. והבן הדברים היטב כי הם דברים עמוקים מאד. So in case this eluded you, these are very deep, deep ideas. Very deep ideas. Period. ועל פי זה תבין לקשר התורה היטב, now we can tie together this תורה שמה שכתב בסוף that we said at the end of of of the אות ה׳ over here, מענין נקודה עליונה ונקודה תחתונה של א, we discussed in terms of the upper and the lower yud, the עבודה שבו, that the bottom yud is דום, it's like Hakadosh Baruch Hu's footstool, but דום is silence, a person silences

himself, and then they experience the colors of embarrassment, like שמים, like the רקיע, like the ו', and at that point they're zocheh to what was hidden by the ו', the upper yud, which is כיסוי, which is כתר, כ', the שם אהיה, it was hidden, and zocheh to the teshuvah. Ehyeh is a אנא זמין למהוי, that I will be, but the three yuds is a סגול, because it's כתר, חכמה, ובינה, and they have this teshuvah process. And now we see that what we just said lines up with that as well.

זהו בעצמו בחינת שני הבחינות, so now this really the lower Yud and the upper Yud relate to these two expertises in תשובה, כי זה אינו מפורש בפירוש התורה הנ״ל, because this is what was added, these כוונות well that Hakadosh- that Rabbi Nachman said at the מוצאי שבת. Who knows how what we just said is hidden in the the Siddur HaAri z"l that everybody's davenen from, and that just seems like a bunch of stuff that's all over us, and who knows what's it's wonderful, these names of Hakadosh Baruch Hu.

How does that translate to any avodah, what we know? Says Rabbi Nachman, it is like ruach hakodesh, I don't know, he says this is Rabbi Nachman. You want to know what those כוונות are? Those כוונות are the פנימיות of avodah. רק על פי הכוונות הנ״ל מובן זה ממילא למשכיל, to the one who understands, I don't know if we're that, but we at least have some sort of an appreciation that there's so much beyond us. וזהו בעצמו בחינת תשובה על תשובה, and this is the תשובה על תשובה שכתוב שם, that upper Yud, because there's parts to the teshuvah process.

There's saying you're sorry because you did the wrong thing, because you don't want to get a patch, because that's a self-centered teshuvah, but then there's saying that, no, I'm doing it alts iz bitul, but then there's a continuing ever closer, בחינת כתר, בחינת what's hidden, going ever closer to those levels that are beyond you. Every time there's a door, a step on the ladder, you go to the higher step on the ladder, and you're continuously going closer, בחינת עולם הבא, getting ever closer to Hakadosh Baruch Hu.

I said I was sorry yesterday. I can't believe I thought that that sorry was enough. I thought that me addressing You was enough. That was according to my immature understanding. I go ever higher, כזביחת יצר הרע, because when a person is dom, they turn their dam into dom, they slaughter the yetzer hara with that first step of the process שהוא בחינת דום לה׳. They experience a bizayon, through vidui they keep their mouth their mouth closed, they take their skin out of the game. It's not for kavod bnei adam, it's not for כבוד מלכים, שהוא בחינת תשובה ראשונה, שהוא בחינת כבוד עולם הזה, that's kavod melachim, going back to the very opening paragraph of this תורה, זה בחינת נקודה תחתונה, that's the bottom יוד, שנעשית מבחינת

הדמימה והשתיקה that a person experiences that first level of teshuvah, when they're quiet, בחינת דום לה׳, meaning they're quiet for their self, for their own kavod. They don't relate to themselves as as as an entity. וכל זה הוא בחינת חיריק דס״ג, that's what what's the חיריק? The חיריק is the חיריק of ס״ג, that's the that's the lower elements of teshuvah. When they're on the down, they're not necessarily in growth mode, they're just taking themselves out of the process, שהוא בחינת בקי בשוב. ותשובה שנייה, and then they go and they go to the higher level to I think over here he's just splitting up into two parts, שעושה כל תשובתו ראשונה שהוא בחינת כבוד עולם הבא.

When they go to the highest level, they say, no, now already they have אלץ איז בטלות, they're going towards הקדוש ברוך הוא, but now now that I understand more, and I have to I can't be satisfied with yesterday's teshuvah. Yesterday's teshuvah, I was I was a 13 years old, I was 15 years old, I was 23 years old, and I was I was saying, I'm sorry I talked in my tefillin, and now I know the פנימיות, I know some of the brachot, I know what I'm talking about, that I say the I started saying just the יהי רצון before tefillin, and I say, wow, that that that I can't believe that I was talking in tefillin yesterday.

That's halvai, I don't know, this is going to be the worst problem that we do, and I say that that's the way that I approach You to say that I was sorry, that I did these terrible things? I do תשובה על תשובה, בחינת כבוד אלקים הסתר דבר. I'm moving ever closer to things that were hidden from me, זה בחינת נקודה עליונה, בחינת כתר, that's the top יוד, that's אהיה, that's כתר, that's כסא, אם אסק שמים, שהוא בחינת משה, בחינת סגול, it's Moshe, it's Chabad, it's the נותן, and it's lining up the נותן ומקבל, that's that upper יוד, that's three parts, that's סגול, והבן הדברים היטב, understand this well, I hope, איך כל הדברים הנאמרים שמה בתורה הנ״ל, that what we said over there in the

Torah, cuz again this was said afterwards, נקשרים ונכללים אחר כך ביחד בקשר נפלא ונורא, והמשכיל יבין קצת, הלוואי we should understand a little bit. ועיקר הדבר שעל ידי זה האדם כשהוא במדרגה תחתונה מאד, what's the ikar? That when we're in a down cycle, we're at that lower מדרגה, when we're going up, so okay, so it's hard enough that we shouldn't take any kavod, we shouldn't have any gaavah, we should get ever closer to הקדוש ברוך הוא, ואף על פי כן הוא מחזק עצמו, we find God in everywhere.

There's avodah everywhere, when we don't see it, we're consistent, we push forward, that's what our avodah is then, ומאמין שגם שם יש לו תקוה עדיין, and over there there's also a tikvah, a hope, a something to shoot for, in terms of the avodah where we are, כי גם שם נמצא השם יתברך, בחינת ואציעה שאול הנך, in the בחינה of the end of the pasuk, that I'm at the depths, אז ימשיך על עצמו קדושה משם, משם הקדוש הוי״ה במלואו ס״ג, that's where a person does a milui, a yichud in the name.

You bring it together because there's a yichud in that name also, there's a manifestation when the name י-ה-ו-ה comes together in that gilui of הקדוש ברוך הוא, in the ס״ג, and that where we relate to the בריאה, we relate to our Maker, we relate to the ריבונו של עולם בשם ס״ג, in that way. שהוא מחיה את כולם ונסוגים אחור אחור מקדושתו, that הקדוש ברוך הוא also is מחיה. הקדוש ברוך הוא put that darkness into place for us to grow from in that element, להחזיקם לבל יפלו לגמרי חס ושלום.

And we we draw closer to הקדוש ברוך הוא, sometimes אני לדודי, but over here it's ודודי לי. הקדוש ברוך הוא comes even like in Chanukah lower than the 10 tefachim. וזה בחינת בקי ושב, שזה הבקיאות הוא בחינת בשם יב״ק הקדוש. That the that that that בקיאות is the שם יב״ק, goes בקי ברקיע, רצוא ושוב. So we said יב״ק is tw- two יב״ק times two is the דרך of ימין, of of coming ch- of doing teshuvah. So one of the בקיאים is is the how do you act in the ירידה, בבחינת שם ס״ג on the lower point.

וכן כשאדם זוכה לעלות לאיזה מדרגה בקדושה עליונה, when a person comes close to this madregah, when a madregah in in a positive way, ואף על פי כן אינו עומד שם, and what about the other avodot? So now a person turned himself around, he's persistent, he's consistent, he goes, he climbs, and now he feels the enthusiasm. So now Baruch Hashem I learned I can go home. No, right? There's an avodah when you're being consistent, when you don't see the light and you persevere, and you push, and now you take the weights off and all of a sudden you're flying, that has a different avodah.

ומתחזק ומתגבר לעלות יותר ויותר. That's why we say what I said earlier one time from Rav Dessler, I think, that every project has two goals. My goal, let's say, for for me, I see for myself one time שנים מקרא. שנים מקרא, if I'm having a good day I do it with Rashi, if I'm if I'm having a bad week, do it just with Onkelos, and maybe whoever holding it's just to read through the Hebrew words, whatever it is, but that way it's not that I'm off the project, cuz all of a sudden it's easy to set your goals when you're doing well, but then what ends up happening is a person has the invariable down cycle, and now all of a sudden they're off it

and they're they're off the wagon, then when they want to do they go back. This way you're never off the wagon. My avodah, let's say, is שנים מקרא, and I can be do שנים מקרא ברצוא when I have רש״י or בשוב when I just read the words. Whatever your particular thing is, however it relates to you, I don't know, but in any event ומתחזק ומתגבר לעלות יותר ויותר, but now he's having the up cycle and he gets ever closer, אזי ממשיך הקדושה על עצמו משם הקדוש אהי״ה במילוי כס״א, that's where כס״א, עסק שמים, it's the upper י׳ with the with with the סגול that relates to כתר חכמה בינה, but it's the שם of אהי״ה because the דם has changed to דום and we joined

the א׳ to the to to to to the דם, so you have שם אדם, right? And הקדוש ברוך הוא, it's now בשם תשובה, כתר we said is with המתנה. We went through all this in the beginning, שהוא בחינת בקי ברצוא, now where he does teshuvah. כי אדם, כפי תנועותיו וכפי התחזקותו בעבודתו יתברך, כפי his actions and his התחזקות, his strengthening himself, כן גורם לייחד השמות למעלה. This is how he's able to line up the גילוי of השם in whatever manifestation it might take וממשיך על עצמו קדושה משם, והבן היטב.

Finishing up, how is a person how is a person how is so how does a person have this bizayon The person is insulted, so we say one way of the bizayon to engage in the teshuvah process is a person says vidui articulately, but let's say a person is insulted, somebody comes out at you, how do I not take it personally? I'm a human being, I'm a human being. How does a person go and not and not and not end up having the כבוד מלכים and כבוד בני אדם, and not and not and not have a down from this?

הנה מבואר לעיל, I mean at this point will stand on its own, שעל ידי הדממה והשתיקה ששותק לחבירו כשמבזה אותו, I stay quiet when somebody is מבזה me, על ידי זה זוכה לתשובה, I'm זוכה to תשובה, שהיא בחינת כתר כנ״ל. That's how I get to the top י׳. By doing the bottom י׳ I get to the top י׳. By doing the the the getting through the downtime I get to the uptime. By getting through the bizayon I get to כתר, I get to teshuvah. כי סייג לחכמה שתיקה, because סייג לחכמה שתיקה, when I was שותק that's how I got to chochmah to the top כנ״ל, like we spelled this out.

How? כי צריכים להזהר מאד לדון את כל אדם לכף זכות. So we actually said one thing earlier, now we're going to say a second thing. We'll tie them together at the end. A person has to be זהיר לדון לכף זכות. Somebody went and embarrassed me, somebody went and embarrassed me, ואפילו החולקים עליו ומבזים אותו, צריך לדון אותם לכף זכות ולשתוק להם. What I'll do is I will judge that person favorably. First of all, whatever is coming to me is not coming from the person, it's coming from Hakadosh Baruch Hu.

I wouldn't experience bizayon if I wasn't meant to experience bizah, bizayon, and it's an element of teshuvah. Why did this guy have to do it? That's his problem, that's his cheshbon, let him do teshuvah. But as far as I relate to the bizayon that I went through, so why am I getting angry at him? First of all, it came from Hashem, but even him, did he have a bad thing at heart? No, let me be dan lekaf zechut and go from it from his perspective. Maybe it made sense to him that he had to lash out at me because he misunderstood what I was saying, he misunderstood what I was doing, so that through being dan lekaf zechut, through empathy, through trying to come out

of myself, I will take out the anger that I have towards this particular individual and I will just say, why did Hakadosh Baruch Hu put me into this position? And I will just engage the teshuvah process directly. ועל ידי זה נעשה בחינת כתר, כמובא במדרש: משל לאחד שמצא את חבירו שהוא עושה כתר, okay the Midrash is long, I was going to read it out, but not now. A person is making a crown for the king, אמר לו: בשביל מי? So he said Who are you making this crown for?

אמר לו, "בשביל המלך." Well, if you're truly relating to Hakadosh Baruch Hu, so הקדוש ברוך הוא, ישראל ואורייתא וקודשא בריך הוא חד הוא, right? You get angry at some kid, so what do you do? You go you can go to the father and say to the kid's father, to your father, and say, "I experienced a difficult thing, please make it right." But to go and bash the other father's son, still he's still other he's still the other kid is still the father's son, so he'll say, "I have to deal with him, but what do you want the father to do, to engage and just like totally put his kid down?" You want to engage with the מלך, you want to do teshuvah, Hakadosh Baruch Hu

will make it right by you. To go and badmouth and degrade and yell at and get angry at Hakadosh Baruch Hu's other children? Hakadosh Baruch Hu the other children are jewels in His crown, because ultimately, after the teshuvah process, משיח, במהרה בימינו, we're all going to be crowns in jewels in Hakadosh Baruch Hu's crown. So why don't we מצד us build up Hakadosh Baruch Hu's crown? I experienced bizyonot, let me engage myself in the teshuvah process, and then Hakadosh Baruch Hu will relate to us אמר לו, "כיון שהוא לצורך המלך, כל אבן טוב שתמצא, תקבענו בו." Every jewel, every member of Klal Yisrael is a jewel in Hakadosh Baruch Hu's crown, let's polish every one of those stones.

As far as whatever degradation we experience, Hakadosh Baruch Hu will make that right. A father is not going to look better at us because we threw his kid under the bus, even if he takes responsibility, he'll make it right, but that's different. כך כל אחד מישראל הוא בבחינת כתר להשם יתברך, every Jew is בבחינת כתר, וצריך להכניס בו כל מין אבנים טובות שאפשר למצוא, and therefore we should relate to Hakadosh Baruch Hu's crown every single one. It says I was looking for the note, it says Parperaot LaChochmah that brings from the Sichot shel Rabbeinu in Sichot HaRan, וזה לשונו: פעם אחת this is coming from Rabbi Nachman, פעם אחת ענה ואמר, "עלי אין חולקין כלל." They were telling that these people in a certain controversy

were badmouthing Rabbi Nachman, and he said, "They're not badmouthing me, they're לשם שמים, רק הם חולקים על מי שעשה כך." They misunderstand what I represent. So they are taking a justifiable stance against the type of person who's doing the wrong thing that they think I'm doing. So there's nothing wrong with them, there's a misunderstanding, כמו שבודים... חולקים עליו... ועל איש כזה בוודאי ראוי לחלוק. So why am I going to why not לדון לכף זכות? If I have something to address, I'll address it with my Creator. What am I going to address them?

They're not doing the wrong thing. As far as maybe you're going to say that they did do the wrong thing, that's their cheshbon with הקדוש ברוך הוא, but that's not my cheshbon with them. So he says, כך כל אחד מישראל, yeah, אבנים טובות למצוא, period, דהיינו שצריכים להשתדל לחפש ולבקש אחר כל צד זכות ודבר טוב שאפשר למצוא בישראל. All right, so by the way, if you ever have a problem with somebody or whatever it is, you know one thing that you could do? You could daven for them, because that means if your tefilot get answered, then they're going to get you daven for somebody else's daughter to find a shiduch, or somebody else to have parnasa, so now you become psychologically invested in their success.

So if they're your competitor, you won't have less because your competitor does well, הקדוש ברוך הוא will make it right. Daven for your competitor so that if they're successful, your tefilot are answered, psychologically, right? הקדוש ברוך הוא will like that, trust me, right, one kid is davening for the other one, right? Become invested in הקדוש ברוך הוא's other children. ולדון את הכל לכף זכות, כי הם בחינת כתר להשם יתברך כנ״ל, because they are jewels in הקדוש ברוך הוא's crown. וכמו שאמרו on the other thing that we said, that the way that a person should not experience bizyonot is because a person says, "Listen, you know, where I'm really holding, if I would be honest with myself, the truth is that I'm not really holding where

I think I'm holding, and maybe I really deserve that bizayon, and this person is the medium that הקדוש ברוך הוא sent it through. But why should I have Why should I have gaavah? The bizayon is something that I deserve." So there's two ways of addressing it: one is מצד myself, and the other one is being דן לכף זכות and where it came from, just as using as a platform for teshuvah. וכמו שאמרו רבותינו זכרונם לברכה, "הוי דן את כל האדם לכף זכות." נמצא שעל ידי זה שדנים את הכל לכף זכות, שעל ידי זה שותקין לו כשמבזה אותו, and for that, I won't speak back, I'll be דום.

This is where I turn the דם into דום, and I add the א of teshuvah and get the teshuvah, I'll be דום, I'll be quiet when somebody is מבזה me. כי מוצא בו איזה זכות, because I'm not going to get angry. Who am I getting angry at? I can't get angry at הקדוש ברוך הוא, everything is coming for my benefit. I'm not getting angry with the other person, because I'm דן לכף זכות. שאינו חייב כל כך במה שמבזה אותו. He's not חייב, כי לפי דעתו ורצונו נדמה לו שראוי לו לבזותו וכולי.

According to his understanding, he did what he thought had to be done. And if you're going to say that he didn't understand, he's a messed up person, he's emotionally messed up, okay, but he thought he was doing the right thing. על ידי זה נעשה בחינת I'm not saying it's easy, we're reading the words. על ידי זה נעשה בחינת כתר, היינו כנ״ל, and this is how we can reach כתר and כבוד אלוקים, שעל ידי דמימה ושתיקה נעשה בחינת כתר כנ״ל, והבן. And this is how we reach the כתר, we come away from our own כבוד, we attach ourselves to כתר, כבוד מלכים, which we said in the very first shiur, when you attach to כבוד מלכים, so כבוד מלכים חקור דבר, people will investigate down here

and upstairs, am I do I deserve the כבוד מלכים? But if I'm mitbatel to Hakadosh Baruch Hu, and I'm just a I'm wearing I'm a soldier in the king's army, the כבוד that comes to me is coming כבוד אלוקים, nobody's going to question whether or not I deserve the כבוד because I'm mitbatel, I'm representative of כבוד אלוקים. I attach myself to the infinite, and for that nobody can question. Halavai that we should do, be zocheh to teshuvah, and zocheh to כבוד אלקים.